November 3rd was going to be such and exciting day, but turned into a pretty crappy one. We went in for an ultrasound for baby #3 at about 10 1/2 weeks. The kids were with us, and Kaleb was so excited to see the baby in my tummy!
The ultrasound tech was doing the ultrasound and asked if I was sure I had my dates correct. We knew we were definitely not off on the dates. We had been trying for a while, and had been on fertility drugs for a couple months. When you have been keeping track of stuff like that, you know your dates! Anywho....she didn't say much the rest of the time and then said she was going to go show the pictures to a Dr. and they'd be in. My heart sunk. The PA came in and said that it was a "non-viable pregnancy". There was a gestational sac, and a yolk sac, but that was all. The baby did not continue to grow after about 6 weeks. Kaleb kept asking when we'd get to see the baby- how do you explain to him what is going on? We were told to go home and wait, if nothing had happened within 2 weeks I'd have to go in for a D&C. Seriously? How do you go home and just sit around waiting to have a miscarriage? I suppose I've done ok, but that isn't something that is very easy to deal with. We were coming back to Logan that weekend so I called and made an appointment with my Dr. there, to kinda get a second opinion. I'm so so glad that I did. He was so kind, and reassuring and helpful. We were able to "take action" rather than sit around and wait. He even called me a week and half later to see how I was doing! One ER trip, several phone calls, and a few more appointments later, I think things are finally starting to look up as far as that goes. Now we just have to figure out where we go from here as far as getting our next sweet spirit here.
Tis the season for colds and all that kind of fun stuff. It hit Jenna especially hard last week. On Sunday we ended up taking her to the Physicians immediate care clinic because she was coughing a lot and seemed to be having a hard time breathing. We gave her a breathing treatment and got some prescriptions to go home with and thought we'd be doing good.
She did not like me holding that thing in her face at all
She zonked on the way home
Hanging out at home, trying to get Jenna to eat a popsicle
so that she would stay hydrated
When we got home we gave Jenna her medicine and just tried to relax and take it easy. As the night went on we got more and more worried about Jenna's breathing. It seemed to be getting worse, not at all better. We decided to take her in to the ER to get her checked out a bit further. It was not a fun night. They decided to put an IV in to get her some fluids and draw some blood at the same time. She did not like that!
She is telling me to take it out here, I wish I could have!
If her Dora cup left her hands at any point
she would FREAK OUT!!
We went and had a chest x-ray done, which was also very fun :)
She would not stand up so we had to lay her down, but she just wanted me to hold her so I had to hold her down on the table to get it done. They did 2 x-rays, then she went to look at them to make sure they turned out good, and one of them didn't so we had to re-do it. Then we could go back to our room.
Jeff took Kaleb for a walk while Jenna was getting the IV and he got
some stickers, then decided to stick them ALL over himself!
Not really sure what they were doing, but at least they were having fun!
Trying to get a little bit of sleep. We would last like this for a couple
minutes, then something would wake her up and she'd start saying "get up.
get up. get up" So we'd stand til she fell back to sleep then try laying down again.
Jeff got a couple cat naps sitting on the stool.
Kaleb started out like this:
Then we put the chairs together to make a bed, and he zonked!
While we were getting the x-ray's and waiting, Jenna tried pulling her IV out a couple times, and was moving her wrist a lot. So the line got plenty kinked. When the nurse came back in she tried to straighten it out, with no luck. So we had to take that one out and put another one in by her elbow. Lots more tears. They put a little board thingy on so that she couldn't bend her elbow, but it didn't do any good. she kept on bending it like nothing was there. So they wrapped it up and Jeff and I would hold it straight for a while. Once she finally fell asleep it wasn't too big of a problem!
Her poor little arm all wrapped up:
Such a sad baby girl :(
Standing time
owie
We finally got discharged at about 3:30 AM. We had to go stop by Norco to get a Nebulizer and Walgreens to get the medication. We got home just after 4 and Jeff crashed to hopefully get a couple hours of sleep before heading off to work at 7:30. Jenna and I have spent several nights on the couch, without much sleep. It really starts to wear on you. To top it off I got a cold too, so I haven't been the most pleasant mom or wife lately. Lucky for me I have a great husband who is supportive and reassuring. I have family that helps me with me kids when I am at my wits end. I have great friends (like Natalie, Lexi, Lainee and countless others) who are great examples of remaining positive when things get though. They could always be worse. I am grateful for every thing that I have in my life. I love it and wouldn't change it for the world. Even when we do hit a bit of a rough patch, we get through it with the help of The Lord and our family and friends.
I found this great story from this blog, and wanted to share:
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Holland is wonderful, there are so many, many things that I love about it and am so glad to be here!
